You know that moment—you’re chatting after church, smiling politely, asking about kids, work, or the weather. It’s all kind, but there is no depth- nothing life changing, and nothing you couldn’t have said to any stranger you met. When you leave, you feel like that’s nice…but isn’t church supposed to be more like family?
We were made for more than surface-level conversations. God designed us for authentic fellowship—the kind that strengthens weary hearts, prays through midnight worries, and rejoices in answered prayers!
But deep friendships don’t just happen; they’re cultivated. And as Christian women, we have the beautiful gift of building friendships that go beyond the surface—friendships rooted in Christ and anchored in love.
Why Deep Friendships Matter
God never intended for us to walk through life alone.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together…
Deep Christian friendships do more than fill our calendars—they draw us closer to Jesus. It’s not just about the busyness of social gatherings…those are exhausting- but it’s the kind of sharing life together that strengthens and encourages us. True friendship helps in hardship, are accountability in weakness, and joy in seasons of celebration.
I hope you can think of a time when a friend prayed with you, brought you a meal, or simply sat with you in silence when words weren’t enough. That’s the kind of connection God designed us for.
The world is desperate for real connection!
So What Holds Us Back?
If deep connection is so valuable, why do so many of us feel lonely? There’s a bunch of reasons, but what I’ve found to be true are usually:
Busyness. We are so incredibly overscheduled as a society…where can we even find time, right? Work, kids, sports, parents…there are days we can barely eek out the time to take care of ourselves…how can we find time to care for others?
Fear of vulnerability. Unfortunately, I think we can all say we’ve been hurt in the past by someone who claimed to be our friend. And it’s true, that’s really painful… it’s a betrayal and can make it hard for us to trust our own judgment in who to open up to.
Staying in the comfort zone. Small talk feels safe but never grows roots. We have lost the art of friendship in a lot of ways. Covid has a whole generation of young people who couldn’t even be in the same room with others- and even before that as the world became more digital, we were losing the art of in person conversation…of how to live life together. The small talk feels safer…we don’t want to sound “weird.”
Cultural trends. Modern “friendships” often look like convenience over commitment. They are not valued the way they used to be. During hard times people “needed” one another and for decades now our culture has prized independace over everything else. The ‘Me and Mine Mentality’ has taken our prideful nature and attempted to turn it into a virtue…But what it’s done is isolate us, even in the midst of busy schedules and rooms full of people.
And we’re all guilty of these…we have to be honest about our own excuses to move past them.
What True Christian Friendship Looks Like
At its heart, Christian friendship is more than shared interests or similar life stages (and many times it’s actually NOT someone in the same stage as you)— it’s about walking side by side toward Christ.
True friends don’t just keep us company; they help us keep the faith.
A Christian friend is someone who:
Reminds you of God’s truth when you’re tempted to believe lies. The enemy is constantly prowling…seeking whom he can destroy- and this is always true when we are living in the Light. He will whisper lies, try to make us doubt ourselves, doubt others, and most dangerously- doubt God. NO ONE is immune to his attack…and we must have people who will speak life and truth to us!
When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness he said
It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
When we are tempted, we need friends who know the Word of God and can remind us of the truth! We need friends who will tell us what we NEED to hear, not what we want to hear…especially during hard times.
Prays with you and for you when life feels heavy. Sooo often we forget the order of things…we forget we are to pray FIRST and then work out a situation. We have taken prayer from it’s right place and priority and turned it into “well all we can do now is pray…” As if that is not the very weapon God has given us to deal with things! When we are in the midst of something we need friends who will come to battle with us and lift us up to the Lord.
We need friends like Aaron and Hur…that when Moses was tired from the battle with Amalek and had grown weary
But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
Friends who will not only pray, but come along side us and help hold us up when we are in a heavy season of life- they’re priceless!
Encourages you to grow, not just to stay comfortable. A friend is someone who will see the best of you and remind you of it when you have forgotten….they’ll also know you are made for more than just staying comfortably where you are- they want more for you because they want the BEST for you! When you may doubt and feel unsure their confidence and courage will encourage you.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
The beauty of this kind of friendship is that it reflects Jesus’ own love — sacrificial, steadfast, and full of grace.
Why We Need Friendships Like This
Life is not meant to be lived in isolation. We’re told…
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
In a world that often feels hurried, shallow, and divided, deep Christian friendships give us strength, perspective, and hope.
When we’re discouraged, they speak courage.
When we’re wandering, they point us back to Jesus.
When we’re weary, they carry us in prayer.
When we forget who we are, they remind us we are God’s beloved.
These friendships become a refuge in trials and a joy in ordinary days. They not only make life richer, they make us more faithful — because we’re not walking alone.
From Surface to Soul: Practical Steps
So how do we develop these kinds of friendships? I have a few practical tips for you…but I want you to think outside of the box about how you can accomplish them. Yes, by all means…go have coffee, invite someone over…but also…
The internet can be a tool here- social media especially can be a tool for good instead of the trash it normally shares. There are places like Facebook that you are able to create private groups. Create a group to become the backyard fence- where women used to gather to share life together. I may sound silly…
But the social media group solves many of the reasons we’re not able to have deeper friendships. If schedules don’t match you can still connect. If something pops up you can share it quickly. If something joyous happens you can share it quickly. If you have found some encouragement and want to share it, you can do so quickly. If you have questions you can ask and the ladies will have time to answer thoughtfully. There can be a lot of benefits…but please make sure that your group is PRIVATE and that people must ask to be included.
Here are a few simple ways to nurture deeper friendships:
Pray together. Even a 30-second prayer after coffee can shift a friendship toward the spiritual.
Ask better questions. Move beyond “How’s work?” to “What has God been teaching you lately?”
Be vulnerable first. Share your struggles, and you’ll invite others to do the same.
Be consistent. Whether it’s a weekly Bible study, morning walks, or a monthly dinner, show up.
Serve together. Shared mission creates lasting bonds.
Friendship is less about perfection and more about presence. Sometimes, the difference between a casual chat and a soul-deep conversation is simply asking the right question.
Here are a few to get you started:
“What’s a verse you’re clinging to in this season?”
“How can I pray for you this week?”
“Where have you seen God’s hand lately?”
👉 I’ve created a free resource just for you:
10 Questions to Spark Deeper Christian Friendships — a simple printable you can tuck into your journal or bring to coffee with a friend. Or take these questions and ask them in your group and allow the ladies to share there!
Grab Your Printable Here!
Friendship is a gift from God, but it’s also a responsibility. When we move beyond surface-level connections, we mirror Christ’s love in the way we show up for one another.
So here’s my encouragement: be brave, go first, and ask the questions that open doors. You may just find your heart knit to another’s in a way that reflects the very heart of God.
