Let’s be honest: the world we’re living in does not take marriage seriously. Everywhere you look, relationships are treated like outfits — cute for a season, tossed when they don’t “fit” anymore. And if you’re a young woman trying to follow Jesus, it can feel like you’re swimming upstream with a backpack full of bricks.
But here’s the thing: God’s design for marriage is nothing like the swipe‑left, swipe‑right culture around us. It’s deeper. It’s richer. And it’s absolutely worth waiting for!
Even more than that though...I want you to know it's REAL! That amazing love story and beautiful marriage is absolutely still a thing you can have today!
One thing I hear over and over is that people don’t believe great love stories still exist. They think they’re the stuff of Hallmark movies — sweet, predictable, and completely disconnected from real life. So many people today are just looking for someone they can tolerate for the rest of their lives… and I’m here to tell you: please don’t do that to yourself or your future children.
Don’t get married because it’s “the next step.”
Don’t get married because you’re tired of being alone.
Don’t get married because two paychecks sound easier.
And definitely don’t get married just because you want kids.
There are a million reasons not to get married — and most of them come from fear, pressure, or loneliness. But none of those things build a Christ‑centered covenant. None of those things create the kind of marriage that lasts through storms, sanctifies your heart, or reflects Jesus to the world.
None of those things create the kind of marriage that lasts through storms, sanctifies your heart, or reflects Jesus to the world.
What to Look for in a Godly Spouse
If there are a million reasons not to get married, then there are a handful of really important reasons to — and they all have to do with character, not chemistry. Attraction fades, butterflies settle, and life gets real. What lasts is the kind of heart someone brings into the relationship.
Here’s what actually matters when you’re looking for a godly spouse:
Someone who loves Jesus more than they love you:
Not in a cliché way — in a fruit‑bearing way. You should see evidence of their walk with God in how they speak, how they treat people, and how they handle stress, disappointment, and temptation.
I love the practice of taking the name of someone you’re interested in and placing it in the 1 Corinthians 13 verses… Is <insert name> kind? Is <insert name> patient? Does <insert name> boast? Try that…then add the fruit of the Spirit…does he exhibit those things? If the answer is NO or I don’t know….then the answer is NO.
Someone who is teachable and humble:
Pride destroys marriages. A teachable spirit builds them. Look for someone who can apologize, listen, grow, and admit when they’re wrong.
This is an area where you will really have to study someone…watch them with others. Everyone can say the right words- but a teachable and humble spirit is something that has to be seen through trials- and the fruit of it comes after the trial. They’re going to do and say the right thing to you…watch them with their friends, with their parents.
Someone who shows consistency, not intensity:
Anyone can be charming for a month. Anyone can say the right things. But a godly spouse is steady — the same person in public and in private, on good days and hard days.
You don’t even begin to imagine all the things you’re going to face when you’re old and married… and we don’t want to tell you about all of them- or we may never be blessed with grandkids lol….but this one trait will be way more important than you can realize. It won’t take long for life to get in the way and “I don’t want to…” and “I don’t feel like it…” are going to be real tempting.
You want to be married to someone you can depend on to do the right thing- every time- even if it’s hard – even if he’s tired -even if he doesn’t feel good.
Someone who honors you with their words and actions:
Respect is not optional. Pay attention to how they speak to you, about you, and around you. Honor is a habit, not a switch that flips after the wedding.
This also includes unkindness and insults disguised as “humor” or “just teasing.” Or saying something nice and then following it with “but…” and then complaining or grumbling.
Someone who takes responsibility for their life:
A godly spouse doesn’t blame everyone else for their problems. They show maturity, follow‑through, and a willingness to do hard things.
The blame game is at epidemic levels in our country! And it can be hard to see it at first, because they will often craft their blame shifting in such a way that it sounds reasonable…Oh…but just wait… What you hear them saying about others is what they’ll be saying about YOU soon. Their life isn’t going the way they want- it’ll be your fault. They can’t do what they want- it’ll be because you won’t let them. You will quickly become the scapegoat of their life.
So many wives find themselves in the horrible pattern of being blamed for their husbands’ bad choices- and then spending their life trying to appease and people please him….but it is never enough and a never-ending-cycle that leads them to feeling defeated and not good enough- when they weren’t the problem to begin with.
Someone who is emotionally safe:
You should feel peace around them — not confusion, anxiety, or pressure. God’s design for marriage includes gentleness, patience, and kindness.
God is not the author of confusion! You should have such a feeling of peace and safety and coming ‘home’ that you can be 100% yourself. You don’t have to worry about being perfect because you know even on your bad days, he’s going to be kind and remind you of the truth.
Someone who shares your mission and values:
Marriage is a lifelong partnership. You’re building a home, a life, and a legacy together. You need to be walking in the same direction.
Do they want children? Pets? To live in the same hometown till they die? Will you work outside the home? What about homeschooling? You don’t have to be carbon copies of each other…that would be boring…but you should be headed on the same path and at the same pace.
What priority will church be? Are you both committed to daily Bible reading? Do you both desire to work in the church? Or will one of you want to be involved and the other resent that you’re there all the time? These kinds of things are often “assumed” based on what life is like when you meet and are dating- but what about later? When life gets a little busier?
And here’s the part some young women forget:
A godly spouse is not a perfect person — they’re a growing person:
You will never find the perfect man this side of Glory- but you should absolutely make sure he is striving to be more like Jesus every day.
A man who is self-aware and can articulate the areas where he struggles…and is actively trying to honor Christ in those areas…with accountability and honesty- that’s the kind of man who will continue to strive to be the man of God that he’s called to be as husband and father.
We Must Mention Red Flags:
If you’re praying for a godly marriage, you also need to be wise about the things that will not lead you there. Red flags aren’t about being picky or dramatic — they’re about paying attention to the things that will matter deeply once the butterflies fade and real life begins.
Here are some of the biggest red flags to take seriously:
They say they love God, but there’s no fruit: Anyone can claim faith. But if their life doesn’t show humility, repentance, growth, or a desire to follow Jesus, that’s a sign to slow down.
They avoid accountability: A person who refuses counsel, correction, or community is not ready for the selflessness marriage requires.
They create confusion instead of peace: God is not the author of chaos. If you constantly feel anxious, unsure, or “not enough,” pay attention to that.
They rush the relationship: Pressure is not pursuit. Someone who pushes you to move faster than you’re ready for is thinking about their desires, not your heart.
They have no vision for their life: Marriage is partnership. If they’re drifting, unmotivated, or unwilling to take responsibility, that will become your burden later.
They treat others poorly: Watch how they speak to their parents, servers, coworkers, and strangers. That’s who they really are.
They apologize without changing: “Sorry” means nothing without repentance. Patterns matter more than promises.
They isolate you from friends or family: Healthy love doesn’t shrink your world — it strengthens it.
They make you compromise your convictions: If you have to lower your standards to keep them, they’re not someone you can build a godly life with.
And here’s the truth no one tells you when you’re young:
Red flags don’t disappear after marriage — they grow! Marriage magnifies everything: the good, the bad, and the things you hoped would change.
So what do you do while you're waiting?
Preparing Your Heart for Marriage
Before you ever think about choosing a godly spouse, you have to let God shape you into a godly spouse. Marriage doesn’t fix immaturity, insecurity, or unhealed wounds — it magnifies them. The best gift you can bring into a future marriage is a heart that’s being formed by Jesus long before you ever say “I do.”
Here are some of the most important ways to prepare your heart:
Let God define your worth: If you don’t know who you are in Christ, you’ll look for someone else to tell you. A healthy marriage is built by two people who know they are already loved, chosen, and secure in Him.
Deal with your wounds instead of hiding them: We all carry hurt — from family, past relationships, or our own mistakes. Healing doesn’t require perfection, but it does require honesty. A godly marriage is built on truth, not pretending.
Develop spiritual habits now: Prayer, Scripture, worship, community — these aren’t things you “start doing once you’re married.” They’re the foundation you bring into marriage. A strong walk with God today becomes a strong marriage tomorrow.
Learn to communicate with grace: Marriage is a lifetime of conversations. Practice listening well, speaking truth kindly, and handling conflict without shutting down or blowing up.
Build a life you’re proud of: Don’t wait for marriage to start living with purpose. Pursue your calling, serve others, grow your gifts, and build a life that reflects Christ. A godly spouse doesn’t complete your life — they join you in it.
Surround yourself with wise community: You need people who will pray for you, speak truth to you, and help you discern what’s healthy and what’s not. Isolation leads to confusion; community leads to clarity.
And here’s the beautiful part:
Preparing your heart for marriage isn’t about “earning” a spouse — it’s about becoming the kind of person who can love well, forgive deeply, and reflect Jesus in the everyday moments of life.
God does incredible things in the waiting. Don’t rush past this season. Let Him shape you, strengthen you, and steady you for the story He’s writing.
A Final Word for Your Heart
If you take nothing else from this, I hope you hear this clearly: you don’t have to settle!
God is still writing beautiful, Christ‑centered love stories. Not perfect ones — but real ones. Ones built on humility, repentance, joy, friendship, and a shared desire to follow Jesus.
Marriage was never meant to be a survival plan or a box you check because “it’s time.” It’s a calling. A covenant. A place where two imperfect people learn to love like Christ loves — slowly, faithfully, and with a whole lot of grace.
So don’t rush. Don’t panic. Don’t let fear or loneliness convince you to choose someone who isn’t walking toward Jesus with you. Let God prepare your heart, steady your steps, and shape your desires. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it.
And when the right person comes — someone who loves God, honors you, and walks in truth — you’ll be so grateful you waited.
